Wednesday, January 27th, 2010
What do you do when the friend, client, contact, family member you have reached out to responds with the silent treatment?
In general we might just guess that our contact is busy and get in touch again. But in cases where there have been some bumps in the relationship or where someone doesn’t respond after a couple of attempts the assumptions come rushing in.
In verbal conversation we have the urge to fill the silent gaps in conversation with words. In the communication that happens in email or through voicemail we fill the silence with assumptions. When we don’t get a response to our first or second messages we start to make guesses about why we aren’t hearing back and these guesses feed on our insecurities.
“Why do we go to our insecurities? Because we know that people tend to shy away from communicating negative messages. If someone hasn’t called us, we think to ourselves, it must be that she doesn’t want to communicate something negative to us. Or she simply wants us to stop bothering her and go away. Also, we figure, if the person wanted to work with us, it would be in her interest to let us know — she would have called.” Peter Bregman
If you want to learn how to handle the silent treatment check out HBR blogger Peter Bregman’s post this week. He maps out the three vital steps to take and explains how to handle these silences with dignity and polish.
Posted in Business Development, Leadership | Permalink | No Comments »
Wednesday, January 20th, 2010
I follow everything Nicole Garton-Jones does very closely. Nicole is the founder of Heritage Law. Her mission is to forge a path to a new kind of law firm, one that allows lawyers and staff members the freedom to work where they choose, when they choose. I recommend her latest article to those of you considering going the virtual office route or just seeking some flexibility in how/where you practice law.
Posted in Leadership | Permalink | No Comments »Monday, January 11th, 2010
Do you believe that you are much less accomplished then others think you are? Despite your numerous achievements, high performance at law school, and numerous professional successes do you still doubt your abilities and second guess yourself? Is there a negative voice in your head that puts you down, and offers a steady stream of negative commentary? If you answered yes, then you just might just be a member of the “imposter syndrome” club.
Imposter Syndrome is “a psychological syndrome identified in the late 1970s by Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes and expanded upon by Manfred Kets de Vries in a 2005 HBR article. It describes frequent feelings of incompetence despite all of the evidence to the contrary.” Imposter syndrome is an apt term as people exhibiting the condition literally feel like imposters.
As a lawyer coach I have encountered a significant number of legal professionals who grapple with an over-active inner critic. The inner critic cannot be silenced but there are effective strategies for handling the doubt and negative self-talk and turning it into something positive.
This week the Harvard Business review blog offers an excellent article by Susan David on “how-to-deal” with your inner critic. Click here to read more or download a copy of the attached article. It’s time to start talking back to the critic!
(Article: How to Manage your Inner Critic)
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