Here’s a question I get all the time when I am running business development training courses:

“What do I do when the person I am speaking to is boring?” 

In essence, business development for lawyers is all about building trusting relationships. The quickest and most sure-fire way to build trust is to spend more time listening than speaking. To be a good listener you need to be a good questioner and learn to ask about things that get people interested and speaking about subjects that matter to them. 

Or, as Mark Hunter commented in his Slaw column last week: ”ever notice that people do business with people they like?” Being a good listener is the fast track to being likeable. 

So what happens when you can’t listen? What do you do if you find your client or important contact boring?

Faking interest never works.  And just imagine being on the receiving end with someone looking at you with boredom. The natural reaction is to feel insulted and to then judge the person to be arrogant, aloof and yes, unlikeable.  

The answer:  It’s up to you to find what is interesting about the person. Push aside your judgemental inner voice and place your focus firmly on the other person. Everyone is interesting, your job is to uncover this.  Use questions to get the person speaking about things that are important to him/her.  Follow your curiosity. The goal here is to listen and discover, not to prove how interesting you are.  Some sample questions that can open up a conversation are:

• How did you get into being a …. ?
• What are you looking forward to this weekend?
• I’m curious, what made you decide to… (go to that school, travel to Palm Springs, etc.)

Another approach is to ask for advice when the opportunity arises. The majority of people enjoy teaching. 

Take me for example. I don’t golf. I have never held a gold club. What do I do when faced with an avid golfer?  Instead of getting bored and shifting the subject, I dig into it. I confess my general ignorance and then ask to be enlightened.  What are the best golf courses in town? Has it been good for business development? What’s the best age to start kids in the sport? What have been the best golf courses they have ever played on? What I discovered is that while I am not interested in the sport  I am interested in what people like about it and get out of it. 

The bottom line: it’s up to you to turn it around. It is in your power to turn boring into interesting. 

When you show you are interested and really listen to the person you will distinguish yourself from the majority of people who do not.  The end result is that the person will then likely become interested in you and it will be your turn to tell your story.

My favorite resource on all things to do with listening is Just Listen by Dr. Mark Goulston.   He reminds us all that we are responsible for our own degree of interest with this quote: 

“Boredom is what happens when I fail to make someone interesting.”  Warren Bennis, Founding Chariman, USC Leadership Institute

I found a short video on Dr. Mark Goulston’s web site that I found intriguing.  He features the top two never-fail questions for strengthening client relationships.  Take a look.  Have you asked your clients these questions?  Would you ask your clients these questions? If not, what is stopping you? What could you ask them?

To get the most value out of your work week it is crucial to work in chunks of uninterrupted time rather than long grinds filled with constant stops and starts for email and phone calls.   Yes, the good news is that by managing your energy levels and taking breaks, even very short ones, you can be far more productive and keep your stress levels down.

Tony Schwartz author of the book The Way We Work Isn’t Working, co-written with Jean Gomes and Catherine McCarthy, has concluded that to be top of our game, we need to integrate both intense periods of work and short periods of rest into the work-day.  Schwartz is featured today in a Globe & Mail interview “An R&R room at the office? It could be just what the company needs” by Wency Leung:

Q: Your book suggests it’s possible to get more done by spending less time at work. Can you explain?

A: I don’t think it’s so much about spending less time at work; I think it’s about shifting the focus from time to energy. The more continuously and longer you work, the less incremental return you get on each additional hour.

We are physiologically meant to pulse, and we operate best when we move between spending energy and renewing energy. We value spending energy and we are good at it, but we undervalue renewing energy, even though that’s a powerful way to improve performance.

I urge you to read the article and give this approach a try.  What is the impact on your effectiveness when you schedule in several periods for uninterrupted work during the day, with short breaks and periods for phone calls and email?

Too much to do, too little time.  I can’t think of a single person who isn’t dealing with this challenge on a daily basis.  Even the retired people I know report they are busier than ever!

I have had both men and women tell me that they feel they are failing at both main areas of their life – personal and professional because there is not enough time to fully dedicate to both.

Many of my coaching clients come to me because they feel out of control.  They are caught up in a whirlpool of deadlines and are desperate to find their way out and back to calmer waters,

In my work as a professional coach I have come across four simple principles that have made a significant difference for me and for my clients. They aren’t in themselves a recipe for success but rather a rough guide to what has worked for some of us along the way.   Read More

Our biggest hopes and dreams, the aspirations we cherish, are most often those we are called to struggle for.  Perseverance is the decision we make each day to keep trying, to hang on one more time, or to pick ourselves up and begin anew.

I am very excited about the new book Perserverance by leadership consultant, educator, speaker, author Margaret Wheatley, PHD.   I feel like this book is being released just when the world needs it most.

From Wheatley’s website:

“Perseverance is a day-by-day decision not to give up.  Wheatley does not offer the usual feel-good, rah-rah messages.  Instead, she focuses on the situations, feelings, and challenges that can, over time, cause us to lose heart or lose our way. When we feel lost, overwhelmed, betrayed or exhausted, we need to know we have a choice for how we respond.  And we have to nurture the rewarding times, when we experience the joy of working together on something hard but worthwhile, when we realize we’ve made a small difference. ”

I am going to immediately order three copies.